I did today anyway.
I have been so sick this week. I HATE being sick. My immune system is weakened from a bout of strep throat a couple of weeks ago and this week on top of sinus stuff, I have had a sour-yucky-stomach. I will spare you the details.
And whenever I am sick, I have to have a backup plan. In writing. On my desk. Or ELSE!
So even if I am so sick that I want to die, I must drag myself to school, (and in my case two schools)--usually between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m., make half a dozen phone calls, and prepare a game plan so that I can sit the bench while someone else teaches my lessons. Or at the very least, prepare some form of a substitute lesson, because only I can deliver the kind of organization, experience, and unique understanding that is required for my curriculum. Maintaining two art rooms and the artwork of over 400 students cannot be left in the hands of a rookie. Usually it is not even worth all the hours of work that go in to planning for a sub. I would rather puke in between classes, use a swig of mouthwash, put on a fake smile, and make it through. (I haven't ever done that...but it is tempting....Actually if the nurse's office bed wasn't so repulsive, I would probably spend more time there when I am feeling sick)
Yesterday I had the misfortune of needing a substitute. So I had to drag myself to school, scrawl out a note with instructions, locate both principals and someone to fill in for me at one of my before-school-bus duties, and only then could I return to the comfort of my bed and the security of my own toilet.
Luckily, for the sub, things went smoothly, but I lost several hours of work time that I desperately need in order to get stuff done before my big trip over spring break.
Oh and since I was gone--practically on my deathbed, I might add--I missed a very important after-school meeting. This meeting had been postponed one week because the person in charge of the meeting had been sick the week before. Realizing that I had a responsibility at the meeting, I sent out emails and made phone calls--while juggling a puke bowl, tissue box and cold cloth. It may have been too little too late. And it is all my fault. I missed the meeting.
Sometimes the pressure is just overwhelming! And I try to stay positive as often as I can, but life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. As much as I desperately try to fill my life with beauty and good stuff---sometimes all the crap gets me down.
I hate being sick. It makes me feel weak and frustrated. Today I wasn't feeling 100% or even 80% but I just had to put on a fake smile and make it through. As a result, I wasn't nearly as patient as I should have been and at the end of the day, I didn't even have the energy to put the classroom chairs up on the tables or unload a dozen boxes of clay projects, at the kiln, by myself. Well, I got the clay loaded into my car...but not at the school where the kiln is...I had to call in reinforcements to help me get it all unloaded.
Without giving away too many details that really have no relevance to this blog, I just need to say that I cried all the way home today. And lately, I just feel like I have more reasons to cry than smile. And I have less and less energy and enthusiasm for my favorite things in life. It isn't the cold dreary weather--today it was 60 and sunny...its just a bunch of other stuff and writing this has helped me to let go of some of the frustration and pain. So thanks for reading.
Ugh, I don't want to end on a sour note so here are 3 things that make me truly happy:
Scrabble. Words with friends. Things spelled out with scrabble tiles...and pretty much everything beautiful this picture represents.