Monday, May 17, 2010

My Art Journal-Week 2

Journaling. Truly poetic writing doesn't come naturally to me unless I am in the zone. To just randomly jot down something perfectly powerful isn't my style. Perhaps I am not serious or self-reflective enough to let myself reside in that not-fully-conscious-I'm-writing-something-important-please-leave-me-alone state often enough. There are simply too many distractions to be witty and graceful and powerful and deep very often.

When journal writing, I catch myself writing the same happy wishes over and over because I tend to turn my back on the really hard, intense, emotionally disturbing stuff because to write about that stuff....well, that would mean that I would have to glance back at the pile of ugly experiences and feelings that I am not entirely proud of:

  • the tissues full of frustrated tears
  • broken promises
  • angry emails/texts that I deleted before I actually hit send
  • oops--crafts
  • stained sweaters
  • single earrings that I won't throw away just in case I might find the missing one
  • dirty looks
  • slammed doors
  • the fact that sometimes I want to be really passively aggressive just to prove a point
  • 'dropped calls' that weren't really dropped--I did hang up on you
  • bad photos with double chins
  • burnt toast
  • the wad of hair that clogs the drain
  • that new recipe that I tried and didn't really turn out so I threw most of it away
  • the smell of dog poop that sears its brand into your nostril hairs even after you clean off your shoe
  • nostril hair
  • the candy that may or may not have survived the ten second rule--but you ate it anyway
  • letting someone try your drink even though you didn't really want to share your straw with anyone--especially not them--but you are too nice to hide your disgust at drinking after them so you share with them anyway
  • bad hair days
  • clothes in your closet that are too small never get thrown away--just in case
  • farting, belching, blowing your nose--the gross realities of humanity
  • silent treatments
  • bad breath
  • broken nails
  • sulking about not getting your way
  • the story you started to tell but no one was listening so you stopped mid-sentence and continued eating your lunch--feeling like a total loser
  • the really advice you gave--that your best friend ignored
  • spending way too much on something you don't even need--or spending  too much at the Target dollar section on a bunch of junk you don't need
  • not tipping enough because you only get paid once a month and you could barely afford to go to dinner in the first place
  • stubbed toes
  • deleting that Facebook friend just because their status updates annoy you
  • crying at network t.v. and pretending that you are just tired because you are embarrassed that were moved to tears
  • actually crying because someone hurt your feelings
  • dusting, dishes, and laundry
  • confronting a coworker
  • road rage
  • throwing away birthday cards or photographs
  • forgetting someone's birthday
  • pretending to be listening when you are really daydreaming know...all that crap...the crap that happens but it isn't really worth a journal page...or a tweet...or even a single written word...I want to cover that stuff with a a rug....and pretend that life is always happy and pretty and easy and fun. But life isn't like that and I know that my journal pages need to reflect some of that really ugly stuff in order to be more beautiful and real.

there is a lot of power in truth. the truth is more interesting than the shiny, happy facade.

I am sure that everyone has a story to tell...and I know that I have some very raw experiences that would make great blog posts, journal entries and short stories....but for now I am keeping the really hard stuff locked up in a vault because it isn't pretty to look at...and it doesn't make me happy to drag it out and show it off...but someday, maybe I will write about more of the ugly stuff....

thank you for reading my blog. I truly try to create a beautiful place for inspiration. The photos in this post are from my art journal. 

Check out my birds of a feather blog post today to see a review of a gorgeous journaling book by Sabrina Ward Harrison.


Hearthandmade said...

i love these pages!! Im the same, i dont like journalling about those things either

Maria Ontiveros said...

Love the journal page with the feet in heels & stockings.
When I journal about difficult things, I tend to cover up the journaling with elements or make the writing illegible.

Natalie said...

Great list - I can definitely identify with most of those! I agree about not writing about the negative stuff - I love that if I'm having a bad day, sitting down and writing something positive about my life puts things into perspective too!