I remember.

One year ago today, I remember that the weather was absolutely perfect the entire afternoon.

I remember having that 'this day is too good to be true' feeling. Because the winter had been so harsh and the spring had been so windy and rainy, and the summer was looking oh-so-promising.

I remember noticing that the clouds looked like cotton candy that had been molded by bubble wrap, and I thought to myself, 'those are the sort of clouds that make VERY bad storms.'

I remember the first tornado sirens, I heard them in Webb City, just as the first few raindrops were falling. I remember that I was not afraid.

I remember the listening to the radio, it was the only real warning, the only voice of reason. The first sign of proof that life-as-we-knew-it was over.

I remember the first few houses and buildings and trees that were damaged. I thought, 'maybe it wasn't that bad.'

I remember the traffic, the roads being blocked in every direction.

I remember not being able to text or call, but the phone calls I did get were scared relatives from far away who were watching the weather channel. They seemed to know more than me, even though I was right in the middle of it.

I remember seeing St. John's for the first time. A car in front of us was wrapped up in a downed power line, and we were trying to get around them, trying to get home.

I remember the journey home took SO long.

I remember running.

I remember realizing that the damage went from 'not so bad' about a block from my house to 'armageddon' just a few blocks from that.

I remember stopping at the intersection of 26th and Joplin Street. I stopped to catch my breath....the scene around me was so horrifying, it couldn't possibly be real. Every familiar thing around me was unrecognizable....the elementary school, the hospital, the taco bell, every house in my radius was flattened, splintered, gone. People were wandering around, confused, bloody. Some were trying to help. Smoke from a house fire rose in the distance, sirens blared, the sky threatened rain at any moment. It is the scene I go back to in my memories of that night. It is the instant replay, that I return to when I remember the tornado.

I remember thinking 'my mom is dead'. There is no way she could have survived. Not this. There is no way.

I remember climbing over apartments, power lines, debris was everywhere.

I remember my mom, sitting on the curb, soaking wet, a wound on her foot with flesh gaping out.

I remember thinking, we cannot stay out here until after dark, we are so far from a car, I have to get us out of here. So I ran off to find a wheel chair.

I remember standing beside the flattened nursing home as they carried patients out on stretchers and laid them on the parking lot, on open mattresses. I remember trying to stand in front of mom so that she couldn't see the dead, she had seen enough.

I remember the smells. The smell of gas leaking. The smell of splintered wood, the smell of attic musk, mixed with fresh rain.

I remember carrying a fat wiener dog home. I remember that I just wanted to watch what everyone else was watching. I wanted to know what had happened through the eyes of a reporter or newscaster, not through my own eyes.

I remember what happened on May 22nd, 2011 at 5:41pm. It changed me forever. In the weeks that followed, I was forced to drive through the path of the storm every single day in order to get to work or around town. It was unavoidable.  I am not sure that my co-workers or family members really understand what that is like.....the destruction of familiarity.....A daily reminder, a constant connection to the event.

As much as I do not want to deal with what happened, I just want to forget about it, I can't.  It is inside of me, part of me, forever.

To read more of my documentation, click here:
Before and After Photos
Ode to the iPhone
Destruction in the Heartland 
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

Destruction in the Heartland....part 6...Friday June 3rd....Did this REALLY happen?

Everything isn't happy and rosy and perfect 100% of the time in blogland people.

I am going to write a few more posts about the Joplin Tornado....if you don't want to read, I completely understand. It is depressing. This Little Blog of Mine will return to school stories and posts about pretty things soon...but for now, I just need to write.

I just keep thinking about all the places in town that got blown away. Literally. There is nothing left. I've been in denial--like a lot of people--but the REAL is finally setting in....

This really happened.

Our town REALLY got destroyed by a massive tornado.

For REAL.

Joplin was on CNN. I saw Anderson Cooper in front of St. Mary's. THE PRESIDENT GAVE A SPEECH AT MY UNIVERSITY!

For REAL.

Many of the places on this list hold many fond memories for me.... I wanted to compile them here to reminisce....

Pizza by Stout-- When I was in college, my Art League group met there every single week--either on the patio or in the glass room on the front to talk about art.

When I graduated from college, my entire family went there for lunch.

When my dad turned 50, we gathered everyone into the party room, got a KC Chiefs cake and celebrated together.

Cupcakes by Liz--This was a new business, but it was one of my favorite places in town. It was perfect for a girls night out--the cupcakes were delicious, the atmosphere was delightful and I would recommend it to everyone for a perfect date night MUST.

Frank's Lounge and Murphy's Irish Pub--Practically the only places in town to do Karaoke. Both gone. I've had many fun nights with friends, singing and celebrating various graduations, birthdays and St. Patrick's days.

Macadoodles, Academy, Aldis, Dillons---When you lose your neighborhood grocery store, favorite liquor store (with discounted fuel once a week), and sporting goods store in one shot---its hard to figure out where you will buy things that you are used to having access to. I visited all of these businesses nearly every week. Gone.

Salvation Army, Good Will---I love to go thrift shopping for clothing, random household collectibles and vintage sheets. Good Will is badly damaged and the Salvation Army moved to its new location just a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't even had a chance to visit yet! I doubt they will remodel renovated grocery store---it will probably just be torn down now.

St. John's Hospital-- I think my doctor's office is still in tact, as it was located in a separate location....but the skeleton building that remains is just depressing and haunting to drive past. My insurance is through St. John's and my mom always stays there when she is sick or needs to have a surgery.

Elec Tric Art--A local tattoo place...my friend Dennis has tattooed many of my friends and family at that location.....now it is gone.

Jo-Ann's Fabric, Home Depot, Wal-Mart-- Wal-Mart?!?! I do not even know what to say....these are staples in my life--buying everything from lumber to sewing machine grease---at these now-gone locations.

iHOP, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Chick Fil-A, Arby's, KFC, Cherry Berry-- These are just a few of the fast food places that were damaged or destroyed. (Luckily Orange Leaf is okay---we got two new frozen yogurt places in the last month--after never having any FROYO in Joplin before. I was seriously OVERJOYED when I found out that Orange Leaf made it through the storm!


Cunningham Park, Par Hill Park, Huge parkway near Murphy BLVD--These parks used to have playground equipment, huge green trees, and they were beautiful places to spend an afternoon on a quilt, in the shade. Now they are just barren eyesores.

Most of these places will probably rebuild...but some of them will not. Joplin is such a different place to live now.

It looks different.

It feels different.

The people look different.

It is different.

The scariest part for me isn't that the businesses below are gone...its that we are not safe in our own homes. 

I've never been afraid of storms before...and many people here never took tornado warnings seriously, we have so many 'watches' and 'warnings' when spring storms roll through...we all take those things for granted.

People in Joplin have experienced loss...and devastation....and fear....

Many people were injured...many people know someone that died in the tornado...everyone knows someone that lost their home....

Friends at work ask me about my family and home....and when I tell them that my mom lost her home, I get a variety of responses depending on how far removed they are from what happened. Some are completely sympathetic...some are bracing for the worst...and some are just asking to be nice....

The co-workers that live in Joplin, or who have volunteered cleaning up debris, or the co-workers that are sharing their home with a family that is displaced...those co-workers get it....this storm 'happened' to them too....but unless you've driven through the devastation, or lost your neighborhood, or neighbor, or neighborhood grocery store, it is hard to grasp how difficult this tragedy is.

So, readers....I am very grateful to have my house....Joplin is my home and I am very proud of the city for how it managed to crisis and I am still dealing with how REAL everything is.


P.S. I think I have a home for my mom...in a nearby city...it is very similar to where she was living before the tornado took her home. If all goes well, she can move in next Friday.

Destruction in the Heartland....part 5...Thursday May 26th: Reflection

At school today, I played a few rounds of Apples to Apples Jr. with my students and found that my responses to the green cards were much more tailored to my emotions when connecting things like 'Neighbors' and 'Brave' or 'Valuable' with 'My Town'....

Normally I would have played 'Rain' for 'Calm' but today, I was very cautious about playing words like "rain" "thunder" or even 'wind' for fear that it might trigger a story or reaction from my students---the game was a much needed distraction for all of us. 

Reality still hasn't sunk in for me yet. It seems completely unreal that my grocery store, Taco Bell, pizza place, cupcake boutique and countless other favorite, familiar places in Joplin are completely gone.

'Familiar'-- 'Damage'

Driving around this evening, watching the destruction fade from bad to worse from one block to another. Green neighborhoods with tall oak trees, full of leaves suddenly give way to gnarled, broken, charred, twisted tan and brown exposed wood.

Cases of bottled water sit on every corner, stacks of 24 packs are piled high in parking lots--free to anyone that needs  a drink.

Orange and yellow neon vests of workers can be spotted all over town.

Police uniforms and vehicles from 40+ miles away patrol the streets.

Counting my blessings that the 32nd street hill created a bit of a wind block for my own home, with only a few leaves and limbs in the yard, I don't have any broken glass or wood to clean. My belongings are not covered in wet, disgusting yellow insulation, my treasured possessions are not scattered across the city.

'Blessing'--'My Bed'

In some places, it doesn't even appear that a house or structure could have ever stood there, completely flattened. Seeing photos or even video is nothing like seeing it stretch on for miles in person. The scope of the destruction and the scale from eye level is so devastating, and heart wrenching. The unfamiliar landscape of a war zone, in the heart of our city.

Cars have been scattered, shattered and shredded, flung into trees and homes, piled on top of each other. Sheets of metal indicate the direction of the wind as they stretch like pulled taffy around tree trunks and snapped telephone poles. 

Apart from Rangeline on a Friday night, I've never been stuck in traffic in Joplin...but today, it was difficult to get across town without getting stuck behind blocks and blocks of crawling vehicles--arms extended from the windows holding digital cameras, waiting for a traffic cop to wave us through an intersection.

While the sounds of sirens have faded significantly since Monday, chainsaws rip through trees on every street--a mechanical removal of limbs and branches. Large machinery and trucks are parked on various street corners, the hum of the trucks and the beep of the buckets as they transport workers trying to restore traffic lights.

The smell in the streets is familiar--the musty smell of an old attic--a little damp....old wood....musty boxes full of winter clothes....a touch of mold....I fear that warmer temperatures in the next few days will kick up the smell of mold, and sour, wet fabric making it unbearable for workers and families to collect anything of value from their demolished homes. 

'Stench'--'Home'


Yesterday was rough. I had to grab lunch with a friend because I didn't have time to pack one--when I walked in to Culver's in Webb City, I recognized a friend from college...and gave him a huge hug.

A few minutes later, I gave his fiance a tearful embrace as well. This sweet couple is getting married a week from Saturday--their house is okay, but many people in their family lost their homes--an unbelievable emotional burden for such a beautiful family celebration coming up.  I am supposed to take their pictures...

After school, I took a much needed 3-hour nap. I have had a stress-tired-stress headache for the last 3 days and getting some rest helped tremendously.  Sometimes I find myself crying, while listening to the coverage on the radio...not for what has been lost...but for the outpouring of love and support in the community.

'Amazing'--'Strangers'

After another stop by mom's yesterday evening, I went to Wal-Mart to get my mom a pre-paid cell phone so that she could have contact with her family and friends....I had the overwhelming urge to hug strangers. To just wrap up anyone who looked tired, or sad or empty.

People keep asking me how my mom is.....sometimes I hear her crying.

She is alive, but she had so little before the tornado took everything, it is difficult to cast out the thoughts of 'those things are replaceable' when they really might not be---little things like her T.V., towels, wind chimes, picture frames, and curtains--those are not available at donation centers and will be difficult to recover after sitting in puddles of water under piles of wet wood and debris.

Also, I spilled a big bag of dog food in her kitchen...It sits in a heap, wet, soggy, stinking.

Since Sunday, I have been obsessed with the radio, internet, FB and T.V. footage of the disaster, but I am nearly ready for some distraction. Maybe if I don't let it sink in, it won't be real. Maybe if I don't look around or think about the 'deadly' 'wind', it can't hurt me.

As much as I am ready for my life to return to normal, I think it will be harder to face the devastation when the sounds of the chain saws stop, the sight of workers and police, and the piles of water are gone, and the empty, quiet darkness sets in.

Right now the city is a bustle of people and traffic from surrounding areas scurrying to help recover missing people and possessions...but when they all go home, and the utilities are restored to the houses that remain, and the radio starts playing music again....that is when reality will set in....that is when the dark, bitter landscape of our forever changed city will become the new familiar site--in place of the beauty of the green oaks, the painted shutters, and the un-torn, un-tattered American flags that used to hang on porches from poles instead of bark-stripped limbs.

'Ugly'--'Landscape'