My Art Journal-Week 2

Journaling. Truly poetic writing doesn't come naturally to me unless I am in the zone. To just randomly jot down something perfectly powerful isn't my style. Perhaps I am not serious or self-reflective enough to let myself reside in that not-fully-conscious-I'm-writing-something-important-please-leave-me-alone state often enough. There are simply too many distractions to be witty and graceful and powerful and deep very often.

When journal writing, I catch myself writing the same happy wishes over and over because I tend to turn my back on the really hard, intense, emotionally disturbing stuff because to write about that stuff....well, that would mean that I would have to glance back at the pile of ugly experiences and feelings that I am not entirely proud of:

• the tissues full of frustrated tears
• broken promises
• angry emails/texts that I deleted before I actually hit send
• oops--crafts
• stained sweaters
• single earrings that I won't throw away just in case I might find the missing one
• dirty looks
• slammed doors
• the fact that sometimes I want to be really passively aggressive just to prove a point
• 'dropped calls' that weren't really dropped--I did hang up on you
• bad photos with double chins
• burnt toast
• the wad of hair that clogs the drain
• that new recipe that I tried and didn't really turn out so I threw most of it away
• the smell of dog poop that sears its brand into your nostril hairs even after you clean off your shoe
• nostril hair
• the candy that may or may not have survived the ten second rule--but you ate it anyway
• letting someone try your drink even though you didn't really want to share your straw with anyone--especially not them--but you are too nice to hide your disgust at drinking after them so you share with them anyway
• bad hair days
• clothes in your closet that are too small never get thrown away--just in case
• farting, belching, blowing your nose--the gross realities of humanity
• silent treatments
• bad breath
• broken nails
• sulking about not getting your way
• the story you started to tell but no one was listening so you stopped mid-sentence and continued eating your lunch--feeling like a total loser
• the really advice you gave--that your best friend ignored
• spending way too much on something you don't even need--or spending  too much at the Target dollar section on a bunch of junk you don't need
• not tipping enough because you only get paid once a month and you could barely afford to go to dinner in the first place
• stubbed toes
• deleting that Facebook friend just because their status updates annoy you
• crying at network t.v. and pretending that you are just tired because you are embarrassed that were moved to tears
• actually crying because someone hurt your feelings
• dusting, dishes, and laundry
• confronting a coworker
• road rage
• throwing away birthday cards or photographs
• forgetting someone's birthday
• pretending to be listening when you are really daydreaming

....you know...all that crap...the crap that happens but it isn't really worth a journal page...or a tweet...or even a single written word...I want to cover that stuff with a a rug....and pretend that life is always happy and pretty and easy and fun. But life isn't like that and I know that my journal pages need to reflect some of that really ugly stuff in order to be more beautiful and real.

there is a lot of power in truth. the truth is more interesting than the shiny, happy facade.


I am sure that everyone has a story to tell...and I know that I have some very raw experiences that would make great blog posts, journal entries and short stories....but for now I am keeping the really hard stuff locked up in a vault because it isn't pretty to look at...and it doesn't make me happy to drag it out and show it off...but someday, maybe I will write about more of the ugly stuff....

thank you for reading my blog. I truly try to create a beautiful place for inspiration. The photos in this post are from my art journal. 


Check out my birds of a feather blog post today to see a review of a gorgeous journaling book by Sabrina Ward Harrison.